Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Two months now? Seems like the time's gone by too fast and not too fast enough. Things are different now.

I'm still standing on the edge of an expanse. The setting is different, but the emptiness is the same. I'm trying to fill it with what I can. I haven't had this much room to fill in...a long time. I'm not used to having to fill this space on my own. The possibilities should be exciting, but I'm finding them paralyzing. Too much choice can be a bad thing.

The new place is set up, and amazingly, does feel like a place I could stay for a while. That's good, and I like it there, I just wish I had someone to show it to and share it with. A victory that isn't shared isn't really a victory at all, at least in my head.

I want to fill that space with music. I'll be borrowing a friend's guitar in a few weeks, and hopefully that will give me something to do. My attention span has been almost nonexistent for the last few months, which does tend to put a crimp in filling time. I can't sit and read a book for the entire evening because I lose interest after a half hour. Same with movies, but at least with those I can let them run while my mind wanders, but even my interest in movies is pretty thin right now.

I want to make something. I want to create. I just don't have anything to say right now, which makes no sense.

I wonder why I don't take pictures. Some people take pictures all the time. I don't. At the time, I think "I'd rather just experience this than take pictures." Then I forget the experience and I'm left with nothing.

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